Happy Valentine's Day,
Kennedy

Can I say something from my heart to you? Can I tell you that all I want in this life is for you to be mine? Can I tell you that, when I say I love you, I mean it more than anyone? Can I tell you that when my heart is in pain, you are the only one that can mend the aches to stop?

I need you to know, when you read these lines from me, these words that lay out on this screen, they are not words, but the laws that govern my heart.

There are times I leave at night. I just drive around because I open the playlist you made me. Sometimes I just listen to it for hours, because I know you listen to them. So I feel comfort in that. At that moment in time, you were saying in your mind, "I love him so..." One of the songs I listen to the most is Video Games. "It's you, it's you, all for you. Everything I do, I tell you all the time. Heaven is a place on earth with you."

Every day I try to stay consistent, tell you how amazing you are, how beautiful you are. Do you know how many times I've said "I love you, you are perfect, you are beautiful, I am obsessed, everything I ever wanted, I worship you, princess"? I've said it 7,456 times. That's almost 4 times a day on average since we crossed paths. Even if you think it's just words. You say "I love you" every day, 4 times a day, every day, for 3 years, in different ways. Yeah, no one will ever catch up to me.

Oh, by the way, love. I did get you a promise ring. I don't ever want to regret it, so I'm going all the way. I just wanted you to know, because I'm starting to take steps towards you. I also got your wedding ring stone too. Baby steps, as I say. I'm telling you this because I want you to know I'm not just saying things, empty words. I mean everything I do.

I know sometimes in the past you were kidding, saying "come here." If you asked me right now, I would go see you. Even if it is from a distance. Even if it's brief. Because I know part of you is also dying for the same thing. I'm stupid in love with you. I would do stupid things just to have that memory.

So thank you for the music playlist, because it meant a lot to me. So you know I'm thankful for all the time, everything you've done for me, have said to me. Just know, that kept me going.

Wanna have a baby? Just kidding.

I'm going to tell you something only we have. Do you know why we say "I'm yours and only yours"? One night I thought to myself, how can we take something from this world and make it ours? Only for us. Something that would follow us for years to come. Something that when she saw it, it would yell "Anthony," and for me, "Kennedy." I was like, I think that would be perfect. I thought way, way ahead and imagined I'd put it in our wedding rings. Maybe our kids would find it special too. "I'm yours and only yours."

I found these words so touching to me. One part of me said, if we were ever in danger, I needed you to trust me at that moment in time. I'd just say, "Love, I'm yours and only yours." If I went far away, I'd say, "I'm yours and only yours." If I was sick, "I'm yours and only yours." With that, I created words that mean more than "I love you." To me, saying this is giving you a kiss on your head. If my baby girl or boy asked me, "Do you love me?" I'd say, "I'm yours and only yours."

I found that beautiful. More and more I used it with you. I felt devoted. I felt that I have purpose. I felt that I have a home. A real home, in you. I hope these words give you that comfort. I'll make sure every day I strive to give those words meaning. So when holidays come, we have a family, you use them and they give you the same feelings. That when you see our babies smile at you, "Yes, Mom, I know you are mine." They may be simple words, but I want to make sure even if we dispute, there is something we can use to let the other know. Even if I'm mad at you, I'm still yours and only yours.

In the end, family will be the only thing I have. So love, I give you "I'm yours and only yours." I just carved out a piece of life for you. The next ones I'm going to carve out are our home, for you to make memories. Then holidays, so we always have our thing. Then a place for us to escape. I'm planning to rob you of everything so I can give you everything. So you feel so complete, you never need to look anywhere else.

How does it feel to be loved so hard? To be loved like you are the last person? How does it feel that someone wants to spend a lifetime with you? How does it feel that if you were lost, I'd seek you out? How does it feel that you are never alone? How does it feel that if you hated me with all your heart, I would still love you, carry you, and kiss you? Still say, "Honey, I would never let go," because I'm your person. How does it feel that no matter what, I'd never abandon you?

Well, do you know why I do this for you? You said to me, "I felt abandoned when I was younger. I felt that I wasn't important. I always desperately wanted attention. I would act out just to get it." I understand how that feels. That's why I will never abandon you. To abandon you would be to let you realize the sadness you hold inside yourself is permanent.

When you tell me, "I don't like the holidays," or "I don't really care," it's just words. This is why I am so verbal, why it's so important for me to ask, "Love, have you talked to your mom? Have you talked to your sister? How's Charlie? Is he doing okay?" I say these things so maybe I inspire you to talk to them. So I know where you are mentally. I ask if you ate too, because I care a lot if you are eating. Tell me, "Hey honey, I'm happy, I'm safe." Even if it feels meaningless, I read into everything. Every day. That's why when you say "your mom," I ask again and again. Your happiness is important to me.

Last. No one in this world has ever done this for me. I don't want you to ever feel like this. So I will keep doing this forever and ever. So when you see me, or hear Anthony. You will turn, hear "I'm yours and only yours."

I write all of this to show you my devotion. My steady steps with you. The foundation, of my love. The basics people forget. This will be the song I will hold you and slowly dance with you. For many years.